On Now

20 01 2006

Winter Writes, Not I

I don’t know what this is,
Maybe,
A return to my roots?
I’m not exactly
Lost,
This is just a collection,
Of thoughts,
Broken,
Unwound thoughts,
I imagine,
Maybe perhaps, possibly.

I’m not happy at the distance,
Between you and I,
Somehow we’ve fallen apart,
And it’s not just you,
It’s him, and them, and her too,
I’ve gone somewhere,
I’m writing in circles,
And I definitely care,
It’s just,
I’m not making waves in soccer games,
In ways good or bad,
I’m not in it with teammates,
The nice ones, the weird ones,
And the ones that play,
This isn’t just written to you,
And I’m sure you think it is,
But the world revolves around them too,
There isn’t any continuity,
Nothing to depend on me for now,
I guess that’s become apparent,
Sorry, should I get out?
Guess what, I’m not the one who leaves,
I’ll be the awkward guy in the sea,
I really am not interested in rhyme,
Or meter, or even substance,
You can excuse it as you may,
But I know this trouble will make me pay,
I have a confusion,
A lack of clarity,
And precision,
Can’t appease anyone,
Not a single person,
Not me.
And so I’ve failed! Yes I know,
Now what! What do I do?
Close the shutters, nope I can’t!
So I guess I’m returning,
Recycling back into my little world all again?
I guess?
Oh,
well.

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Sally

20 01 2006

Washed

Towering waves and hidden caves,
Shimmering glassy tides,
I saw the sea in all its glory
Inside a small good-natured shell,
Somehow from my hand it faded off,
I gazed as it all just washed away ..

Maybe I could have saved it,
Drawn the dream back into the flock,
But the shell escaped and, well,
Erasing it didn’t take too long ..

A little shell could have been
Something so much more,
Maybe I’ve misplaced its meaning,
Or maybe I should search another shore ..





Passing Storm

19 01 2006

One to Derail

Get perfect already or
Just step out of the way,
I’m on a mission,
Please don’t criticize,
Whatever you say about my faults,
Odds are you’re just two steps behind,
So get perfect and try to understand,
I’m in this thing to try,
Wait on what it is you want to say,
I know exactly when I fall shy,
I’ll let you derail this train of thought,
When you get perfect (or just give it a try)
And with your perfect heart,
You can end my personal war

Stuck In Riddles

Tilt your head and question yourself,
I’m sick of doing the same,
Go get stuck in riddles,
Go to pieces down to your name,

Slip to where I’m stuck,
Get lost in your insecurities,
Find out your imperfections,
It’s doubt at life or death speed,

Crush your hopes,
The ones you dare to deserve,
Untie that rope,
There’s no escape but to learn

Step Into The Night

The modern age works like a page,
Torn from a sacred text,
Analyzed, waiting to be described,
The truth itself perplexed

Twilight

The snow is melting,
The sun will shine,
The words are blooming,
Though the sun will hide.

Fear

Sheepherders cry when the night falls into place,
And the valleys creak as the monsters escape,
The problem isn’t that they can’t be contained,
We just can’t survive all the way till daybreak

Out of Sight

Fall, fall into the night,
Dream the same dream every time,
Climb way up into the sky,
Crash from those heavenly heights,
Slide to the end of this innocent flight,
Into this and out of sight





Melt the Snow

19 01 2006

Old and Tested

If I could hold you in these old and tested arms,
I would melt the snow, burning colors to keep you warm
Intuition tells me fire can try, flames in the sky,
In my arms, winter falls when summer collides.

Clay

The surest sign I have
That the text will come out to play,
Is lying on top of the sand,
All words work like an element of clay.





So Says I

18 01 2006


Valleys
Originally uploaded by Kevin V.

I Take it In

I sit in silence,
As you shout or scream,
I look quiet,
As you’ll cut me,

I take it in,
As you break me down,
I feel guilty,
As you throw me out,

I won’t speak,
As you try to get through,
I mutedly listen,
As you make a new bruise,

I don’t look as hurt,
As you want me to be,
I wait for my turn,
As you let your feelings free,

I solemnly stare,
As you quote from your text,
“I must not care,”
As you are prone to expect,

I try not to swerve,
As you snap my cables,
I guess it’s deserved,
As you pound on the table,

I hope to fight back,
As you want me to now,
I know that track,
As you love to throw my logic out,

I close my lips,
As you tear at my mistakes,
I choose not to risk,
As your hate escapes





Dissolved

13 01 2006

A Moment Lost

I felt her breath upon my side,
Chose not to believe for a moment,
Time dissolved, disappeared,
Faded in reverse into the next few seconds,
And this time died a little inside,
I felt it wrench again as it dissipated,
Am I living it right …
Alone again, the dream, the time abated

Beliefs

In the beginning,
There was nothing,
And somehow,
Nothing became something.
Some still believe,
There was something,
And we know how,
Something made everything.

Basic Calculus

Integrate my parts,
Differentiate with respect to me,
Cross this divide,
Find the limit as life approaches c.





Calvin and Hobbes

13 01 2006

“Some people are pragmatists, taking things as they come and making the best of the choices available. Some people are idealists, standing for principle and refusing to compromise. And some people just act on any whim that enters their heads. I pragmatically turn my whims into principles.”

Bill Watterson’s Calvin and Hobbes is perhaps the single greatest heretofore unrecognized influence on me. Like a J.D. Salinger for the misunderstood child, Calvin oftentimes seemed to speak to me personally. Calvin’s unique blend of cynicism (especially of the adult world) and idealism catered to my world-view. In fact, it still does. The oft-quoted line from the strip is “Reality continues to ruin my life”; his philosophy’s only drawback is that it can’t handle the adult world. But is it really impossible?

God, I hope not. Maybe I don’t have a literal Hobbes, but there are many aspects of my life that I live just because I’d like them to be that way. “Whether or not Hobbes is real or not doesn’t matter. What matters is that Hobbes is real to Calvin” – Watterson. When I read Calvin’s interactions with Hobbes, I see a child with the imagination, vision, and idealism to live in the world he’d like to live in; in Calvin’s case, this is a world with a genuine friend.

“I’m yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by Hollywood and Madison Avenue, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when you’re old and weak.” Calvin, trying to scare a neighbor while trick-or-treating.

It was Calvin’s relentless cynicism that made his strip a banned book in my household. With oblivious parents, lonely school life, and overlapping references of “building character”, I felt I connected to Calvin and Hobbes as close friends. I guess we had a few things that kept us distinct from one another: Calvin was wittier, I did better in school, Calvin had a perfect imaginary friend, I had very imperfect real ones, he wore the same clothes each day, and I did not. I learned from Calvin (maybe too much), and from him I began to do what all kids do at some point or another: question authority. I questioned authority; this doesn’t mean I raised a Calvin-sized uproar. I just mused on it. Either way, I ended up being told to stop reading my anthologies on several occasions.

“I think we dream so we don’t have to be apart so long. If we’re in each others dreams, we can play together all night”

Maybe it shouldn’t surprise me that a strip entitled Calvin and Hobbes would relate so much with philosophy. Calvin had style, he had grace. His thoughts on the absurdity of art (often portrayed by his beloved and painfully contorted snowmen), his understanding of the power of media (I still remember Calvin informing his dad that, among the household, his poll ratings were falling), and his word play (“As a math atheist, I should be excused from this”) thrilled me.

“Nothing spoils fun like finding out it builds character”

I could write pages upon pages of the adventures I shared, the laughs I had, and the number of times I re-read “The Essential”, “Authoritative”, “Tenth Anniversary”, and other collections at the dinner table. I derive a lot of my personality from Calvin, and at this point I’m pretty sure it’s safe to say it hasn’t hurt me yet. There’s a lot more to Bill Watterson’s strip than meets the eye; as a kid I sometimes missed things and reread them and had “aha!” moments. Calvin’s unmentioned attraction for Susie Derkins and the experimentation with avant garde art, even the entire Hobbes-may-not-be-real story element flew over my head. Even so, the insight stuck. My greatest lesson? Learning about true companionship.

My favorite quote from Calvin and Hobbes:
“The world isn’t fair, Calvin.”
“I know Dad, but why isn’t it ever unfair in my favor?”