Under Stress

21 01 2007

I was there watching myself fall apart, what was not needed was let go, what bothered me I fought, if it was reasonable then I let it win. I was stressed, yes, but there was in me a surge of panic such that I felt prisoner to my environment, fated to be defeated. What there was in these essays and lectures, these tasteless pages of knowledge reborn, was a sort of tragic opression in my soul (to say the least, in my mind) for on the one hand I knew the material and yet on the other it surpassed me.

But I could not, at least without having tried, give in.